Green Eyes

It was a beautiful day. We were out at a nearby town with friends and our kids were playing around the fountain. I noticed an older woman, a grandma, slumped over asleep on the bench. She was homeless. As we were going to leave, I went to her, tapped her on the shoulder and offered my leftovers from lunch. "No thank you," she replied, "I already ate." I started to walk away and she said, "Can you just open this water bottle for me?" I opened it, handed it back to her and walked away. I was heartbroken at the thought that this grandma was living out on the street. What if that was my grandma? What has happened in her life that has caused her to be in such a trying situation? James 1:27 says, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress..." Why is no one looking after her I wondered? But my real conviction came later, as Niah and I were praying before bed. I was laying with Niah and praying for things that had happened during the day. "Lord I pray for the woman I saw by the fountain today. I pray she would find a warm place to stay tonight. I pray you would protect her while she is on the street, but most importantly, I pray she would know you." I finished with an AMEN and Niah asked, "Mom, what color eyes did the lady have?" "I don't know sweetheart." "Oh, she didn't look at you?" "No, she did, I just didn't look at her eyes." I left Niah's room thinking two things. I offered that lady my lunch without hesitation, but didn't spend enough time to even look in her eyes. And did I tell her that Jesus loves her? No, I was too worried about what the other people in the plaza were thinking. My insecurities of being watched overtook the opportunity for me to tell this lady about Jesus. Niah's innocent question reminded me to not miss opportunities to tell people about Jesus. My super observant 4 year old reminded me to look at people, to pay attention to the details and to find out what color eyes they have. I want to use the gift of helping people that the Holy Spirit has given me to connect with people so they might see a little glimpse of Jesus in me and I can tell them why I choose to help.

Wisdom on Being a Mother

As I returned to my blog today for the first time in a long time, I found this draft tucked away among my other posts. What a gentle reminder for something I was learning months ago that is still so relevant to me today. I have been reading some amazing books on motherhood and parenting lately. The latest that I am reading is called The Mission Of Motherhood, by Sally Clarkson. The purpose of her book is to encourage moms to learn their role, based on God's design, to effectively teach their children to love Jesus. Something I've been thinking about lately is that we are all eternal beings. What we focus on temporally doesn't matter as much as our eternal focus. It is great to have super well behaved kids who listen and follow directions, but what is the state of their hearts? I have pulled a lot from this book, but one thing that I've been trying to wrap my mind around is having grace with our children. Where is the line between showing your kids grace and correcting their misbehavior? Kyle and I have a little joke that serves as a great reminder to practice grace. When one of our kids does something that just doesn't make sense, like when we find our 3 year old pouring one cup of water repeatedly into another, as water is spilling everywhere, we say, "What are you? 3?" It's become a joke for us, but a great reminder of something that Sally Clarkson talks about in her book as well. While we set expectations for behavior in our kids, it's important to remember they are little and immature. If I have never told my 3 year old not to fill her little tea cups up with water, when she spills all over the floor is she being rebellious or disobedient? No, she's being a curious, imaginative 3 year old. So, instead of putting her in time out, screaming at her for making a mess or making her feel guilty for something she doesn't realize is not okay, I need to, with grace, gently take her hand, find a towel and with love and encouragement, teach her to clean up the water. Then we can talk about what happened and whether she should do that again or not.

A Labor Unexpected

Carter Lee

23 February 2012

3:11pm (approx)

9lbs 7 oz 21 inches

Due Date: February 19

I have never made it to my due date before. Our first was 10 days early, catching me completely off guard, and our second was four days early..we were a little more prepared. So the third time around I never expected to see February 19 with a full belly. After our doctor visit Feb 9, we were a little worried, as Kyle was leaving for the weekend to do winter camp. We knew God was in control, but I did not want to go into labor while he was gone. Our doctor couldn't guarantee it, and in fact, was a little concerned herself. So we felt some relief when he came home that following Monday and I had not gone into labor. We continued to wait and saw the doctor Tuesday to which she said, "I don't know that you will go into labor tonight, but it will most likely be in the next couple of days." She made an appt for the following Tuesday, "just in case," but was very convinced she wouldn't see us.

Later that week I began to have some contractions. I have never felt the "can't walk talk or breathe" types of contractions so I assumed these could be the real thing. They weren't unbearable, but they were painful. They came at about 4-6 minutes apart. We needed 3-4 minutes apart to call Labor and Delivery. Finally, out of caution I called and heard what I expected..."Wait and see if they get any closer, like 3-4 minutes, for an hour and then come in. Well, they didn't. In fact they got further and further apart. I went to bed and woke up in the morning with nothing. This happened for a couple of nights. I kept wondering if this was it, only to find out in the morning I was still pregnant and not contracting. People kept saying, "When it happens I bet it will happen quick." With my second, the nurse broke my water after a few hours in labor and she was born 15 minutes later. But my water hadn't broken this time. As long as I was in the hospital when it broke I wasn't concerned.

Well, the following Tuesday came and we went to my appt. Our doctor was surprised to see us. I was now two days past my expected due date. She told us, again, she'd be surprised if I made it more than a couple of days, but she needed to schedule an induction just in case. I really did not want to be induced. I prefer to not take medicine as much as possible and knew I didn't want an epidural. Being induced would mean being put on Pitocin and probably getting an epidural so I just prayed that Carter would come before that Sunday.

Tuesday night I had some strong contractions, but again they faded away into the night. Wednesday came and contractions were on and off throughout the day. I was starting to get tired of all these false alarms. Then Thursday came. In the morning the contractions started again. I had a feeling this was going to be the day, but didn't want to get my hopes up. Contractions stayed at 3-5 minutes for a while. I decided to take a walk to see if I could get them any closer together. The walk seemed to slow them down. I got home and they gradually spread out to 10-15 minutes apart. But they never stopped. Kyle was debating whether or not to go to work and, since he works 8 minutes away, I told him to go and I could always call if they got closer again. He dropped the girls off at our friends' house "just in case." I stayed home, cut some cloth wipes from his old tshirts and began to start our taxes. All the while, my contractions were at the same intensity, 8-10 minutes apart, some even as far as 15 minutes.

My sister in law called around 1 to see how I was feeling. "Fine." I told her. Still having some contractions, but nothing close enough to go. I hung up with her and went back to my taxes. About 1:27 I had a really strong and painful one. Hmm I thought. Another at 1:37. This one caused me to stop working on my taxes, breathe through it and bend over. I texted Kyle...these are getting stronger. At 1:46 I had another, this one brought me to my knees, looking for relief. I texted Kyle again, "I'm on all fours from the pain." "Did you call Labor and Delivery?" "No, I'm waiting for the next one to come and go first." 1:54, another really strong one, like I've never felt before. Wow, these are terrible, I was thinking. I called Labor and Delivery. Struggling to talk through the next contraction I asked her to hold on. When I came back I told her the pattern I was experiencing. They were now about 5 minutes apart. She said, "Well come in and we will check you. We will probably have you walk around for a while before admitting you." "Thanks, bye," was all I could get out. I was now in excruciating pain. "I'm sweating" was all I could manage to text to Kyle. I had also texted our friend who had the girls and told her we were going to the hospital and that we'd bring the blankie over we had forgotten to send with the girls. She asked when we were going and all I could say was as soon as Kyle gets home.

2:07, I texted Kyle, "Come home." "I'm on my way." "Hurry"...and that was the last I could manage. 2:12 and 2:17 were the last timed contractions. I had forced myself to our room, barely put some cotton shorts on and thought, "I'm going to the hospital in a cami, cotton shorts and maybe some shoes. I can't get anything else on at this point. And I laid on the bed. I had never felt pain like this before. The contractions were now at approx 2 minutes apart, coming so quickly I couldn't time them, nor did I care anymore. Kyle was taking forever...where was he? I remember thinking, "There is no way when he gets here I will be able to walk to the car, sit in it for a 15 minute car ride, get out and walk to Labor and Delivery upstairs and down the hall. What am I going to do?

Finally I heard the familiar sound of the front door unlocking and felt a wave of relief. Kyle said he could hear my painful groans from the front door, before it was even opened, and knew that wasn't a good sign. He came running back and said, "Ok, let's go." "I can't." "Linz, we have to get going." "I can't get off this bed." "Where's your phone?" "Out there." "I'm going to call 911." No response. "Lindsey, I'm calling an ambulance." "Ok." More painful groans. I hear Kyle talking to the dispatcher and bringing in towels, putting a pillow under my head and doing what seemed like preparation to have a baby. Is this really happening? I never imagined our jokes of not making it to the hospital would come true. I've always been intrigued by home births and loved the idea of it, but never found the resources in our area. My husband was going to deliver our baby?

And then the firemen came. They came in, checked to make sure the baby wasn't coming and gave me some oxygen. As soon as I got that oxygen I started to feel more calm. Forget the fact that I have a bunch of random people in my room with me in just a tank top, I'm having a baby. After the firemen came, the paramedics showed up. The fireman was timing my contractions and I felt like they never had a break, but they were about a minute apart at this point. The paramedics brought in a gurney and told me to get on. "I can't," I said. "You aren't having this baby here, we need to go. They had zero compassion and I could tell really didn't want to deliver my baby. I forced myself up onto the gurney and they laid a blanket over me. One of the paramedics checked me and didn't see any crowning. "Let's go!"As they were wheeling me out of the house all I could hear was our poor dog going crazy in the backyard. "Kyle, make sure you don't leave Silas out!" They wheeled me into the ambulance and shut the doors. "Wait, my husband has to come in here." "He's not here and we have to go!" "No, he's coming now!" "Well he's not here." (Remember I said zero compassion) I saw Kyle out the window and said, "Let him in, he's right there!" So they let him in and he sat next to me. The paramedic was timing my contractions, still 1 minute apart. With each one I just grabbed the side of the gurney as hard as I could. "I feel like I have to push!" "Don't push," he kept saying. "Just pant!" "Can I have some air in here and some oxygen?" "Sure." Another contraction! "I have to push!" "You aren't having this baby in the ambulance. You have to wait until we get to the hospital! Just pant!" Finally after hearing "just pant" over and over, I said, "I don't know what you mean!" He demonstrated a pant. Just like you'd expect :). So I tried my best to not push and to "just pant." They kept giving me updates, "we are 5 blocks away, we are almost there, ok we are here." I remember being wheeled through the doors of the emergency room, opening my eyes for a brief second and seeing a crowd of people, anticipating my arrival and just staring as I was wheeled through. I quickly closed my eyes again. The next contraction came. "I HAVE TO PUSH!" Splash! My water broke everywhere. "It's just your water, don't push" the paramedic told me. "I HAVE TO!" As we entered the elevator, the other paramedic said, "Check her." I watched the paramedic lift up the blanket and look, to which he responded, "Ok, push." I gave a half a push and Carter's head and shoulder came out. "One more good push" he told me and all of a sudden there was Carter lying on my stomach, in the elevator. The elevator doors opened and they wheeled me into the delivery room, baby already here. The last thing I heard from the paramedic was, "Will someone who knows what they are doing please take over now?" They lifted my baby and me onto the bed and were out of there. I was in shock. Didn't know how to react. I had a baby on my belly, not in it anymore. There were nurses everywhere but no one was rushing to take him. It was one of the most peaceful, yet chaotic moments of my life. He just laid there, calm and quiet, resting on my stomach as everyone figured out how to handle the situation.

Reflecting back that night, Kyle and I laughed at God's sense of humor. I had all these thoughts of how I wanted my baby this time around. I didn't want to be at the hospital long, I wanted to do most of my labor at home, I didn't want any medication and I only wanted it to be Kyle and myself in the room. I also wanted to wait to cut the umbilical cord because I had been reading the benefits of letting the blood run back into the baby's body, but I didn't know if they'd let me do that. But in the craziness of having a baby in the elevator, I got all of those wishes. Kyle and I (and the medical staff) had a baby in the elevator, by ourselves. Carter was attached to his cord for about 10-15 minutes before they delivered the placenta and let Kyle cut the cord. I had NO medication :) and was never even hooked up to an IV. The hospital's purpose in this birth was mostly to make sure our little man looked good and healthy. God has a funny way of giving us what we want. I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. My baby boy has a great story to tell and God brought him just at the perfect time, in the elevator on the way to the delivery room.

I'm so thankful for a husband who listens to the Holy Spirit, listens to me and who recognized that I wasn't going to be able to get there and was able to make rational decisions. We would have never made it on our own. School was getting out and there was bumper to bumper traffic a few blocks from the hospital. I praise Jesus for being in control and for going ahead of us in our perfect birth! Welcome Baby Carter! May your life that started with such adventure be used for Jesus in everything you do.

I'm Back

2 Timothy 1:7 - For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

Yesterday, being Mother's Day, our pastor talked about moms...duh :). But he talked about the impact Timothy's mother Eunice and grandmother Lois had on him, instilling in him an unshakable faith. (2 Timothy 1). As he was sharing, 2 Timothy 1:7 stood out to me. The Spirit (Holy Spirit) God gave us gives us power, love and self-discipline. If he chose these three things, they must be important qualities to have. I started out the beginning of 2011 with the goal of working on self-discipline. I did really well for a couple of months. I exercised, went an entire month without sugar and felt great! Then, I missed a few days, that turned into a few weeks, that turned into a few months. I put off exercising, started eating sugar again and went back into some of my old habits. I was really convicted as I read this passage yesterday. I know my girls need to see that I really love Jesus, not just that I say I do. This doesn't just mean I go to church every Sunday, serve during the week and pray with them each night. My whole life has to love Jesus. If the Holy Spirit gives me self-discipline, I need to use it, because we are given what we need! So, this morning I woke up at 6, spent quiet time with the Lord, exercised and am determine to live a life of power, love and self-discipline, in Christ! I want to be an example of Jesus to my girls, in everything I say and everything I do!

Granola Bar

That's what Kyle calls me. Over the past few years I have slowly turned into more and more of a "granola bar." I think it started when I was pregnant with N and was looking into making my own food. Most of you know I am so passionate about homemade baby food, but it doesn't stop there. I have taken a real interest in organic foods, eating real food vs. processed, "green" living, gardening and living life with as few toxins as possible. It's become almost a hobby to research and educate myself on all this. I really enjoy learning about organic living and have some new fun fact that share with Kyle almost every day.

This week was no different. N has had a nasty cold for the last week or so and her cough is terrible at naptime and nighttime. So bad, in fact, that Monday-Wednesday she didn't even nap because she couldn't sleep through the coughing. Well, I knew one of the blogs I read Keeper of the Home had posted an article on homemade cough syrup so I looked it up. I realized I didn't have some of the other herbs that it called for so I didn't make it, but, I noticed the bottom talked about putting a chopped onion next to the bed. I was desperate for N to sleep during her nap and was willing to try it. So, I chopped an onion, put it in a bowl and set it on her windowsill near her bed. Yes her room reeked like onion, but...she slept for over two hours and barely coughed! We kept it in there last night and neither girl coughed once and N woke up with ZERO congestion. I don't think it's a coincidence. She has had a terrible cough...and a nasty nose, and woke up free and clear. She's been coughing a little throughout the day, but it sounds so much better!

Yay for healing naturally. I didn't have to give her any medication and the results were so much better! She has the onion in there one more nap and then I'll take it out. I've masked the smell in the rest of our house with Coconut Lemongrass, but there room will need to air out a few days :).

I Did It!

A while back, my friend and I were memorizing scripture together every week. We haven't done it for a while, with her having a baby and life's busyness, but I crave to do that again...and I will.

One of the scriptures we memorized was 1 Corinthians 9:25-28 which says, "Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified."

I have been convicted time and time again from this passage. My life lacks a lot of self-control and my body lacks discipline. It probably is nothing that seems "major," but small things add up. Areas like amount of my computer usage, not being in God's word daily, laziness, food consumption and organization have all been filled with little self-control and discipline. I have slowly been working over the last few months to live by this verse. I started working out a couple of months ago, not to be skinny, but to be healthy and to do something consistently. I have tried to set aside time every day for me and God, and have been working to be a better organizer in our home.

Then after Christmas, I decided my body needed a sugar detox and I made a goal to not eat sugar for 30 days. I started December 27 and here we are, January 27, and I have not had any sugar! I have kept away from all candies, cookies, baked goods, sugary drinks and even ice cream, my biggest weakness.

Over this last month I have learned this...when I am trying to practice self-control it's not supposed to be easy, that's why it's a form of exercise! If not eating sweets was easy for me, I wouldn't have to use the absence of it as a lesson in self-control. If I just gave in and had a little bit of gelato because it was free and we were at a friend's restaurant and I LOOVE ice cream, or just a little bite of Cheesecake because, come on, we are at the Cheesecake Factory, my challenge would be useless. You mean I can't even have half of that scone? NO! Either work on self-control or don't! I have been in each of these positions this last month. I have been faced with many offers for sweets...and I have said no every time!

I'm not saying all of this to be "puffed up" or proud. I say it because self-control with food is one of my biggest areas of weakness in life and God has shown me this month that I can do it!

From here, I plan to keep sugar out of my diet for the most part. In fact, that doesn't really sadden me. I have been researching the effects of refined sugar on our bodies, and I don't like what it does! Yes I really enjoy the taste of it, but God has shown me I don't need it all the time...I will eat sweets on special occasions, but in moderation. I want to use this lesson to continue in my quest for self-control and discipline.

Yes..Day 30 Happened!

Wo...where have the blogs been? I've been super busy and haven't had a minute to blog, but...I DID Day 30...and not today..about a week ago. I finally completed the 30 Day Shred after starting it at least 3 other times.

Reflections:
I'm so proud that I can not only see visible results from choosing to eat healthily and exercise, but I can also feel results. I am able to do more, exercise longer and can feel muscle in my body. Yesterday I was flexing my abs, arms and legs and, like a little kid saying, "Look at my muscles!" I was making Kyle touch them :). I find that I want to choose something healthy over unhealthy to eat and I've gone almost 1 whole month without ANY sugary foods or drinks! I'll reflect more on that after I complete that goal. I wake up in the morning thinking that I need to exercise and if I don't, I feel like I've forgotten to do something that day. I don't want to stop now.

Today I tried a pilates video. I really like pilates I've discovered. While there isn't much cardio in it necessarily, it's great for stretching and it is challenging. I'll probably alternate between that, Jillian Michaels and some outdoor running. I was so excited when the "Level 3" girl did a crunch that I was able to do from 30 Day Shred's level 1 girl...woo!

Well..now that I'm done with my 30 days, I will still blog with updates on my journey to a healthy body!